How old are you, again?Having been in North America for three months now, I thought I might share some thoughts on age. One of the best things about being able to move around the world is that I am exposed to different cultural views. Age is one of the best and makes me smile. Why worry about age? There is nothing we can do about it. One thing I have noticed around the world is that men seem to have a far better time with ageing. They don't deal with it any better but they seem to get less external pressure. This is true globally. We share a collective responsibility for that. I can think back to when I was in my teens and twenties. Looking at older folks, I really couldn't figure out what they were. They were just so.... "old" -- I suppose I never really sat down and talked to them. It wasn't until I had been working for a while and interacting with older folks that I realised that they were just like me and my pals. No different, just older. OK - so that is not earth shattering but it was a big realization for me. I have limited fear of age (so far) and a healthy fear of death. Some might say that death is what we all fear. Perhaps that is what is driving the obsession with youth. A desire to look young, to look fresh. Undoubtedly, my lack of fear is heavily influenced by the fact that I look better older than I did younger. Everyone wants a short cut, people want to look better now. Things don't work like that -- unless you visit your local plastic surgeon. I'm of two minds on plastic surgery. It's not for me, and I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone I knew. Still, I can see why people would opt for it. I hope it makes them feel better -- after all, that's what driving it -- one of those areas where a big group hug might fix the situation. The problem is that we are bailing water out of a sinking ship. For me, age is an illusion. It looks backwards when none of us knows how far forward we are going to extend. A sixty-year-old man could have more life than me. We never know when death will arrive. But I don't want to be an "old" parent... I've heard (and thought) that one before. What's wrong with being an old parent? Based on my personal changes since my 20s, I will probably make an excellent parent by my 40s and 50s (if I keep heading the right direction -- ha ha). Is that old? What is the roll of a parent -- to be a loving mentor, a guide, a protector, a leader, a resource. Take any role and it looks to me that it can be executed better with more experience. That said, I watch my buddies run after two year olds all day -- my ability to chase will probably decline over time but my patience will increase -- so I figure it is break even at worst. El G -- what about the biological clock? Tic Toc -- I'm getting old, dude! Are children any better because they are related to you? What are you looking for out of your relationship with your child? What's in it for you? What's in it for humanity? Answer those questions and you may feel better. What's the rush? Either it will happen, or not. You'll still have a great life. As to whether it is fulfilling or not -- that is in your hands and independent of the number of kids you have. I've been thinking about it and I haven't been able to come up with a valid argument to support the biologically related is better argument. In fact, I think I could get all of the benefits from other sources in our society. But -- that doesn't change the fact that I'd love to have two daughters. The world needs more strong women.
Back to age, I do feel like I have more in common with folks that are older than me than younger. I wonder why? When I was in my 20s I had two girlfriends that were in their 30s. Man, oh man, I remember myself and can now see why it was a bit of a disaster. My age was linked to my maturity, which was linked to the ensuing chaos. One warned me, one accepted me -- I'm still friends with the accepting one (I got the warning as the other one was heading out the door). Western society mostly uses age as a measure of how "used up" we are. The classical Eastern definition would be as a measure of experience. Age as a measure of experience is an appealing definition. One of the best parts of being with older folks is the ability to tap their diverse experience. Also, I would be willing to bet that most of us change in a fairly similar pattern as we move through our lives. So in that sense, knowing someone's age might be a useful indicator. Still, I think we tend to place a little too much emphasis on it. None of this really answers my main question -- Why are all my female friends older than me? Need more time... gordo - 14 June 2001 |