The title is a quote from Mark Allen – a buddy told me about it six or more years ago. I didn’t understand his point then. It’s only been over the last few years that I’ve been able to wrap my head around it.

There was a thread on my board the other day discussing some thoughts about a recent piece of mine – The Truth. These interesting ideas sprouted a few things in my mind.

Choices – Any choice we make is our selection. Kind of obvious but I think a certain subtlety is lost in some cases. I talk about this a bit in an old piece (Prayer, Faith and Charity). The subtlety lies in people’s view of charity.

Somebody mentioned Mother Teresa as an example of a person who was completely dedicated to others – are you sure? Perhaps she was simply doing what she thought was “right” (conforms to her ethics) and what gave her satisfaction (made her happy). While the benefits that she gave to others are clear, it doesn’t strike me as morally superior to any other person who does what they think is right for them.

Not my main point, but I think that there is a HUGE trap that lies in the thinking that choices made “for others” are superior to other choices. I’ve come across many people that are constantly putting others first because they think it is right, however, it doesn’t give them satisfaction so the light drains out of their soul. Morally pure, spiritually vacant.

To be truly empowered we need to be satisfied and to be satisfied we must be true to our nature – not following the credo of another. We must follow our own truth. Of course, to follow it, we must first find it.

Another thing I noticed in the discussion is that a lot of folks were using people other than themselves as an example. If we are finding the bulk of our satisfaction in the life of another then we might need to give some thought to how we can improve our own lot. I enjoy learning from other folks. I love reading about the teachings and lives of people. However, for me, the litmus test is whether I’d prefer my life or their life. “Sure, he’s cool, but I think I’m happy to be me.” If we long to be another, long to be something other than what we are, if we aren’t our own hero, then I what can we do to change things? Because most of us aren’t going to be Mother Teresa, the CEO of a fortune 500 company, an astronaut or Bob (the guy with four kids, his own company, a loving wife and qualifying for Kona every year) – of course, who’s to say that we can’t be these people?!

I also like to remember another fact about viewing people. We only see a tiny part of that person’s reality. I can assure you that there are times when I can barely figure myself out. The views that folks have about me make me smile because they often seem to have a much clearer picture of me than I do.

This leads into another great point a buddy made to me. I like to joke that I’ve had more than one mid-life crisis and I’m not even 35 yet. My pal redefined a mid-life crisis.

"Gordo, you know what a REAL mid-life crisis is?"

"Tell me, buddy."

"It’s when you realize that the woman, the job, the body that you think you just might be able to have (if conditions were juuuust right). Well, you realize that there’s no way that’s going to happen and you are forced to look at the reality of your life. That can be hard. Seeing that your dreams ain’t going to happen."

I don’t have a solution, but it seems that if we are focused more on truth, satisfaction and ethics then a lot of the pain will be avoided. Who knows, apparently, I’ve still got that speed bump heading my way.

gordo – July 2003

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