Me and My Mind
A lot of the books that I have been reading over the winter talk about topics such as ego, egoless, loss of self, selfless, mind, Being, etc... Individually, these topics were giving me a lot of trouble. However, in viewing them collectively, I think I am starting to learn more about what everyone is on about. Previously, I wrote that I thought meditation was a form of prayer (or vise versa). I still think that is true for certain types of meditation. In reading more about meditation, I discovered that some forms of meditation appear to be more about observing the mind. This is a neat concept as I quite often assume that "my mind" is "me", and this creates a bit of circular logic. How can I observe myself? Can I use my "self" to observe my "mind"? I don't think you have to buy into the premise that follows in order to get a lot of benefit from the techniques. I have no idea if the concepts are true, but (for me) the techniques are working. The basic premise is that each of us has a core essence - some people would call it a soul, others refer to it as our Being, other writers talk about a life force that is independent, yet connected, to every other living thing. Whatever the description, the main idea is that what makes each of us unique is something that is deeper, more pure and more true than our day-to-day mind/ego. What is the mind? There is a philosophical question! Here is where an Eastern approach helped me. As far as I can gather so far, Buddhism describes the mind as the ego or the self. Whenever I hear "ego", I tend to think about a prima donna. That's my modern Western view of an ego. A different way to look at an ego (or mind) appears to be to see it as a separate entity that is trying to survive while under constant attack. Separate, survival and constant attack. These three concepts are interesting to me. Looking at them in reverse order. Constant Attack - in our lives we are being bombarded by all sorts of stimuli. The mind's job is to sort through everything - to categorize, to arrange, to create structure. Without the ability to sort through the "noise", we'd go crazy from everything hitting us at the same time. The mind is also aware of anything that poses a threat to us. The conventional view is that the mind is essential for our protection and our survival. Survival - If I view my mind as if "it" sees that it is under constant attack, then there is meaning to a lot of the stress and negative emotions/feelings that occur in my life. For me at least, it gives me a framework with which I can view the stress of daily living, as well as long established patterns of reactions to people and situations. Anger, tension, irritation - all are warning signs designed to protect me. Now, some people would say that the mind exists to protect the ego's view of the world. In other words, the mind searches for information that reaffirms the past. It is a backward looking tool. Anything that threatens its established view of the world is seen as a threat. What if those physical and mental reactions were really a form of imprisonment rather than a form of protection? It is a truism to say that we create the world we live in. I can "experience" anything. Whether it is a good experience or a bad experience is left to my mind to decide. In learning to control my perspective on life, I may be able to control my life. There is an important distinction to note. I believe that the main item we are seeking to control here is our "quality of life" rather than our "life situation". Our life situation consists of our job, our health, our finances, etc... Many write about "right thinking" being able to influence our life situation, but I think that is a red herring. If we are able to improve our quality of life by controlling our perspective, then our life situation becomes less important. So how do we go about improving our quality of life? Separation - With my little framework for understanding the working of my mind, I have tried to step back and observe myself when I am experiencing stress, more accurately, when my mind is creating stress for me. For me, the concept of "me" being separate from my mind is quite useful. It gives me the ability to step back and maintain control. From using my powers of observation without, I have shifted to using them within. I have been trying to explore the source of my feelings, to search for their root. In looking at the "negative" feelings, I am trying to learn how to control them, how to address their source. In looking at the "positive" feelings, I have been trying to experience them more deeply, while remembering their fleeting nature. All of the feelings are welcome with acceptance. Some people call this ability to observe and act independently of the base reactions of the mind "remaining conscious" or "being aware". I don't think it really matters what you call it. The idea is to observe one's self and try to see beyond what the mind throws at you. An example: Let's say someone launches a personal attack against me. There is probably truth in the source of the attack for me. In order to unearth that truth, I need to control the initial (and subsequent) urges of the ego to explain, to attack, to justify, to reject... If I respond the way the ego tells me, then I am unconscious, unlearning, and causing more pain for everyone. Did that make sense? I am squeezing a lot of different things into this note. gordo
A book that covers a lot of this is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Full of interesting ideas and concepts. Most of my other references have been noted in other pieces. |