Life MovesA friend is at a junction in their life. Being unsure of which direction to choose, they asked me for my thoughts. Here is some of what I wrote…
If you make a decision with heart then it will always be the right one. The best advice I have given people is when I sit calmly and really listen to what they are saying. I then make a few notes of the points that stand out and play them back. You can use this technique with yourself by writing three pages every morning. Just write whatever comes into you mind. Do this for three weeks. Don't review what you are writing. Just write the three pages every morning. After three weeks, you grab yourself a highlighter pen and highlight the themes that repeat or stand out to you. Use those themes to guide your thoughts. Most of us already know what we want to do. We just need some time to reflect without the background noise that clutters our minds. Long rides are good for that, and useful for reflecting on your short list of themes. Whenever, I am at a crossroads, I write. Putting things on paper makes them tangible. When you first start using this technique then it is best to keep your writing to yourself. You want to be totally honest with your writing. Over time you may find that you are able to share -- but always remember that the purpose of your personal writing is to explore yourself. That's why I write -- many folks think that I 'am' what I write -- that may or may not be true. I don't really worry about what 'I am' when I write. I just write as it helps me clear my thoughts. Life is excessive! There can be benefits to a change but it's worth exploring the source of the desire to change. The things that really make us 'feel' are important signals in our life. Fear, anger, envy -- basically all of the emotions that make us feel closed -- these are all ways that we can learn about ourselves. If you are thinking about making a major change then take some time to reflect, consider the options/implications, ensure that you have some quiet time each day to write and think. The right answer typically presents itself when we are on the correct path. All of this is very general advice, but that is all anyone can really offer. We live with the results of our decisions so it is best if we make our own decisions. The only thing worse than making a poor choice, is when it wasn't our idea in the first place. I can live with just about any result -- providing I put myself there. While money makes certain things in life easier, you will likely find that the things that bring you the most pleasure are the cheapest. For me -- trees, the constellation of Orion, bike rides, swimming, running, strength training, writing, e-mail, coaching -- none of these are expensive (some even pay!). Of course, others are different, I have friends that have a different path from me. They may enjoy things that cost a fair amount of cash -- but typically they have enough for those things -- so the world tends to take care of us -- IF we follow our hearts, work diligently and have integrity in every thing we do. That sounds pretty tough but the secret is to find a type of 'work' that is really 'play'. Coaching, writing and training is ‘play’ for me (for now). It may change in due course but that would be OK. Perhaps you just need to reorganize a few things in your life. Is the issue that you are feeling overwhelmed? Perhaps you are trying to do too many things. That quite often does it for me. Student, teacher, athlete, dutiful son/daughter.... perhaps you are feeling stress from multiple roles pulling at you. This quite often triggers a 'flight response' for me. Don't forget the role that the seasons play on our moods. I coach some people that always get a bit flat as they roll into the holidays. Has this happened before? We are creatures of nature and nature moves in cycles. No place, thing, race, relationship, job, workout... is perfect. Perfection is an unobtainable illusion that our minds create. I catch myself doing it all the time. With the right attitude, every single moment is good enough. However, our minds are excellent at always trying to convince ourselves that it will be better if we get a little faster, a little richer, a little thinner... it goes on and on -- only we can make it stop. Are you looking for an excuse to make a change? You need to dig down to understand your motivation. From there you can gain a better self-awareness. What are your fears? What makes you angry? What makes you tense? These are the areas through which we can achieve self-awareness. The improvement that I have experienced with my own clarity of thought comes from being more relaxed and able to listen to myself and others. There is a vast amount of information out there. It is truly amazing what people will tell you when you engage in empathetic listening -- most often they don't even realise what they are saying. We all give constant information about ourselves. You have told me much of what is above. I just listened to your e-mail, showed a little empathy and thoughts came.
Follow-up... I feel stuck by having to keep up with more obligations than I really want in my life - bc my challenge is mostly financial. I don't make nearly what I am worth. I had a thought about that. Who is not paying you what you are worth? If you are clearly being underpaid then you should have a word with your boss/clients. I've always found people to be quite reasonable when faced with an obvious inequality. Even doing what I like which follows my life purpose of excellence, making a difference, and leaving a legacy (ie. teaching, helping people and developing projects). You didn't mention yourself at all above -- you are pouring your efforts/self into the outside world. I find that very stimulating, but only when I am able to approach it from a position of inner strength. The world will take as much or as little as we can give -- learning where and when to draw the line is something that I constantly consider. There is always a 'little more' that we can do. I wonder if you may be spending too much time on activities that offer you too little reward (financial & non-financial)? The two areas where you are feeling stress are financial and self -- sounds like some non-financial, non-self activities have to go -- in order to let the new in, we need to make space in our lives. Right now, you may be too busy to see the opportunities that are around you. It takes a lot of strength for your friends to take (what they know) will be an unpopular line. No doubt part of the source of your 'feeling' on this topic is a concern that they might be right. I used to feel tremendous stress whenever people would try to convince me not to leave Hong Kong. I would pretty much shut them out -- I knew I had to go. Once I left, I became a lot more reasonable and able to hear dissenting voices. I suppose that is a bit of a long way of saying -- when the people that we love make us 'feel', we shouldn't blame them because we are the source of our own feelings. Once I had 100% confidence in my path -- I was suddenly able to listen to people bag my ideas all day long. It just didn't matter because I knew that this is what I had to do. Their dissent had no impact on me because I knew that I was heading the right direction. gordo - 21 December 2001 |