One - TwoThis could be my most personal piece yet...
A very perceptive lady asked.... Gordo, why do you not speak to more of the nice ladies you meet on your travels? It would seem to me that someone of your wisdom would easily find a feminine kindred spirit along your journey, or is there a burning for someone lost on your journey?
And Gordo, seeing that he had been busted, yet again, replied.... Very interesting question, and one that I ask myself a fair amount. Well, I am not even sure if I know the real answer. Basically, I have this belief that someone will just "show up". If she doesn't show up today, then maybe tomorrow. I'm not in a rush, my life is very comfortable and satisfying. I also enjoy being single rather than alone. All sorts of hassles have historically appeared when I became involved with anyone. If you read about my addictive personality, you can imagine the highs and lows that follow a relationship with me. All my past loves received (and made) a huge impact. No one really knows how much I was crushed (how much anyone is crushed) by my recent change in marital status. I am probably one of the most loyal people you've never met. ;-) Do I want to give someone that power again? Not really. My money is on a very safe relationship next time. A few months ago I was having a little bit of a tough time. I wished that I could transcend my physical desires and just enjoy life on my own. Once again. Everything I wish for seems to appear. I have been surprised that to a certain extent, that happened over the last little while. Many people that live with me think that I "do nothing". I train, I write, I coach. I spend a huge amount of time on my own. I think, I read, I write. I don't have much use for parties, movies, television - Julia Cameron would call it spiritual junk food. Right now, I just like hanging and sharing thoughts with people. There is a lot to learn and discover. I'm exploring, just in a somewhat unconventional way. People often wonder why I am alone, but if you see my life from my perspective - I am far, far from alone. I am part of a huge community. I am alone in their eyes, but not in my own. In my view, I have much to offer and much to give. However, for now, it has to be 100% on my terms (could this be why I give to a general target audience rather than an audience of one?). I accept that it might also mean that I don't "become all I can" or something like that. No problem, but again, it is the potential that others see in me. From behind these eyes, there is much progress being made in new and interesting directions. Besides, being this "gordo" is okay. I like the guy! I also have a little theory that it will be good for me to move around, write and train. It certainly feels right (like it was meant to be). Happens to a lot of people - my middle age crisis at 32! It certainly is a nice way to live. Gives me plenty of time to think, and exposure to many different people. That's a short answer. There is more, but I don't know if more makes things any clearer or any different. I don't normally talk about this because it could lead people to see me in an incorrect light. "Poor Gordo, shattered by his divorce..." That is wrong. We all have our tests to overcome and learn from. I prefer to focus on the positive. If I hadn't been divorced, then I would have missed the smell of the pines trees during my sunrise run this morning. Well worth the trade. Have you ever noticed that the smell of pine changes throughout the day? Morning pine, noon pine and evening pine. Morning pine is the best. My buddy was running with me. He didn't notice the pines. Two years ago, I wouldn't have noticed the pines. Strangely, my biggest fear these days is death. You see there is so much inside of me - emotion, potential, life - that I worry I might get run over by a cement mixer before being able to get a lot of it out. I used to worry about it running out, but I have discovered that I am always given inspiration for me before running out. Quite often this arrives in the form of an e-mail from an unexpected source. What I really want - more than someone to snuggle with each night - is to be able to demonstrate to a few people that they can turn their lives around by a series of small changes. By taking control of our lives we can change ourselves, and by changing ourselves we can make the world a better place. Some people snicker at that, but helping people out really makes me feel happy inside. Lots of unhappy folks out there. Shit, maybe I should blow this out to an article. Trouble is with a lot of these pieces, I worry that they only help me. Still, I do get a fair amount of e-mail from people that can relate, so it can help folks. When I am ready, someone will appear. The world seems to do a pretty good job taking care of me. gordo |