On Being One -- Shagging

Anyway, I like this piece because there is a lot I can relate to in it at this point in my life. I am single and I am very happy with my life right now. I spend my time doing the things that I love and I spend my discretionary money supporting my training and racing habit. It's made me a better person. (John Bingham says something like, if you can't find the truth in 26.2 miles, it can't be found. It takes me longer than that :-) but I discover new pieces of myself each time I do an ultra.) I'm not real crazy about the "no sex" part but if I had to choose . . . . Well, I guess, in effect, I have chosen. :-) It's not that I am actually opposed to being in a relationship . . . I just am not willing to do it (because it would involve sacrifices I am not willing to make right now) unless or until I find someone willing to agree to Day Three. ;-)

Your hiking thought... I read a book written by a guy called Eckhardt Tolle (The Power of Now). He encourages people to constantly ask themselves, "What is missing from this moment?" I've always found that no matter when I ask the question, the answer I get back is "nothing". Sure some things would be "nice" to have but so long as we're still ticking along, not much is actually missing.

Very perceptive on the anger point -- that sounds like a probable source for the emotion. Most anger comes from fear, pain or fear of pain.

You brought up an interesting point -- sex is another article that I have been writing in my head. Sex is energy, very primal energy. Some of what follows is based on conversations with buddies over the summer (always like to give credit for ideas that I poach!).

Many folks live "dead" lives -- so much in a groove (or a rut) that they might not even realise that they are happy/unhappy/whatever. They are just cruising forward unable to think about personal fulfilment. They are trapped by a pursuit of material goods, physical pleasures, peer pressure, society's programming -- they just move forward doing what they believe they "ought" to do.

A lucky few get divorced, have their best friend die, get fired from their job and/or receive a major shock to their status quo... this jolts us awake. Once awake, we start to question everything about our lives. What am I doing? Is this what I want to be doing? What will make me happy? Some people start asking these questions without having a major shock in their lives.

Other folks are full of energy, drive, life and vigour. However, by circumstance they find themselves trapped without an appropriate way to express this energy. The energy builds and can be seen in huge appetites for alcohol, partying, drugs, work, exercise and/or sex. Eventually, channelled improperly, even a highly energetic person can end up unconscious. Eventually, the only time they are alive is when they are in the middle of their addictive activity. The rest of the time they are wishing they could be loaded, training, shagging, back at the office -- for me the test is "nothing". It wasn't until I was happy doing "nothing" that I started to feel like I was in control (or at least more in control).

Everyone talks about addiction like it is a negative thing. I think all of us are addicted to something. A better test might be whether we are controlling the addiction or it is controlling us. Perhaps an even better way to think about it would be to consider it a dance. Waltzing with our core essence, our life energy. Our goal being to lead our partner with integrity.

Back to sex -- lots of folks will differ with me on this one because we are all built differently.

Sex seems to have a lot of different components -- physical and spiritual.

Sex has a large component of dark energy (see David Deida, Finding God Through Sex or The Superior Man). By dark energy, I mean raw, primal power. At the extreme masculine end of the scale this can be pretty full-on stuff. Certain kinds of feminine power have the urge to release to that energy. I bet one needs to have a lot of trust to totally release to that much dark energy because you're probably never really sure if it just might consume you. Anyhow, I'm slipping into relationship dynamics and that wasn't my main point.

Based on observation and empirical testing, most guys tend to live mainly in the physical realm of sex. It is a physical outlet through which we release. Add 15-25 hours of training into my life and I have plenty of physical release.

In fact, I am constantly releasing tension, repressed feelings, hidden experiences -- all manner of items. I work through them on long sessions and then they leave. When going long, I've had some serious chaos going on in my mind at times. This never lasts more than a few hours -- I've often wondered what it is. I like to think that it is my sub-conscious and conscious minds working through things. It used to scare me a little when it happened to me (so many negative and random thoughts). Now, I just surf it and watch from the outside. It works itself out and then I am left peaceful. I experienced one of these moments on the morning of Day 2 of my trip. Once I worked through it -- tranquillity.

So, I've figured out how to manage some of the physical aspects of sex for myself -- whether or not I am shagging. There are still the ties "across the cosmos" to previous loves. They float through my life from time to time. I can't tell if they are physical or spiritual. It doesn't really matter -- just special people in my life that I will always have some sort of link towards.

I don't have a feminine need to release to love, so direct experience on that element is tough for me. I have experienced releasing to a love of nature (trees!), of family, of life... the sudden burst of physical energy that one feels during sex must make it easier for many people to release into love. With a better understanding of sexual dynamics an amazing depth of intimacy is possible -- even in a non-sexual context. Lots of folks get confused at that stage (me too) and think that the nature of their feelings must be expressed sexually. I don't think that's the case.

Into the spiritual realm -- you can probably guess where I am going here. Once I have my physical needs under control -- my spiritual side is totally up to me. In fact, it is all in my head. I control whatever experience I am going to have in every moment of everyday. Some would argue (and I'd probably agree) that this is the same for the physical side as well. However, my physical programming is quite deep and, for now, I appear to need a little help from my training.

You didn't ask for this reply but it's been on my mind. I saw a posting on an e-mail list where people were putting up their Top Ten lists for qualities in a partner. It made me smile because many people were missing the same point that I struggled with this summer.

Each of us is the source for our Top Ten lists -- anything else is transitory.

Cheers,

gordo

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