The Path - Part One

The path is somewhat related to my piece on stuff. These are some additional thoughts that you'll recognise if you have read the other pieces on this site. Don't expect this one to go anywhere in particular!

So, I found myself with all my material needs met, and nothing further required. Was I happy? Absolutely, but I am always happy. Why? Because I tell myself that I am happy. This is a bit of a strange concept, but very simple in application. Kind of like "being" fast. You just "are" happy. Of course, it doesn't work all the time, but with a little effort, there is always something around that can cheer me up.

I was asking myself, "if not this, then what?" What am I supposed to do? Some believe we are destined. I however, am not a big fan of destiny for many reasons. Probably first and foremost, is that I believe we create our own fate and make our own luck.

If you want to get a little existential, then perhaps were are destined to create our own fate. I had an Indian friend share that one with me. He could see that I was trying to wrap my mind around it, and told me not to worry about it. "You have free will, but it is all predetermined. Don't worry, Gordon!"

I also don't like the word "destiny" because it sounds a little regal, and for some reason that turns me off. I much prefer think about this subject in terms of "the path".

It goes something like this. We all have a path that we can follow. When we are on the path, life generally fits into place and we feel like we are heading in the right direction. When we are not on the path, we feel a lot of stress or possibly, we feel like we are heading in the wrong direction. Growing up and attending Catholic school, I often heard people talk about being miserable without God in their lives. I could never relate. I had no concept of God. It was just me, my buddies, school, football, girls, a case of warm beer on the weekend, normal Canadian teenage things.

Sixteen years later, it is starting to come into focus. For those people, their path is believing, maybe. I don't really know, as I am not inside them. Cynics would note that perhaps they were so far from their path that faith in God, in a better life, was all that kept them going. Again, I don't know. However, if hope keeps you going, then I don't see anything wrong with that. Someone once asked why a man believed in God, he replied, "because the alternative is too horrible to imagine." While I don't necessarily share that particular belief, I can relate to it.

Back to the path. I am borrowing from a few things I have been reading recently that really made a lot of sense to me. My own path has been through all kinds of situations and experiences. If you were to categorise them between good and bad (or even evil), there is much that would certainly qualify as bad, and a few incidents that would verge on evil. ;-) However, in order to arrive at where I am now, the bad and the evil were essential. So the bad, the difficult, the painful, the embarrassing, were the most essential parts of shaping who I am. So I am thinking, if something "bad" is that useful, then it's not really correct to classify it as bad. Some of the evil things are tougher to reclassify, but they do make me smile on occasion.

Now, all that rationalisation might just be one big coping strategy! Nothing is bad, it just "is". Of course, if you manage to get your mind set-up so that you have a coping strategy for any situation, no matter how dire, you are probably well on your way to a happy life. We could do a lot worse than ending up relaxed and happy!

Something keeps calling me. I don't know what it is, but I have decided to call it the path. I was thinking that it was an urge for pleasure, but my current life has a lot less pleasure than it used to. It is a life with less pleasure, but more fulfilment. Maybe it's all the same thing - pleasure for the body or fulfilment for the mind. The best month I have spent in the last two years, would have to be my time in Colorado - training hard, writing, lots of time on my own, meeting new friends, being close to nature. These are all things that make living fun (for me). Something the hard physical training has given me, is the ability to extract fun out of a physically demanding or difficult situation. Maybe my divorce helped achieve that on the emotional side as well. Maybe it just fried me? Time will tell.

Back to the path, again. We are all born with certain gifts. I could tell you what I think mine are right now, but that doesn't matter. I think we all need to figure out what our own gifts are. When I do activities that involve my gifts/skills, I get a huge amount of fulfilment. I'm in the first person because this is what works for me. I have no idea if it would work for you. However, I wanted to share it because things really improved when I started focusing on my gifts. I have also seen it in others. When they make a change and start focusing on their gifts, the whole world appears to open up for them. Like Manna from heaven, and if God is your thing, it must be what it feels like. Gifts from the sky.

I sense a lot of this is just doing what feels true. Why "true"? Well, many things can feel "right," but for something to feel true, it needs to reach to your core. So many layers put on us by society, friends, parents, teachers - it can be difficult to figure out if you really like something or ought to like something.

Maybe I should stop thinking and just start liking!

to be continued (over the next fifty years, I hope!)

gordo - 30 September 2000

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