Power, Responsibility & Happiness
I've been thinking about the use of power over the last few months, and thought I would write down a few ideas.
I worked for five years as a camp counselor and although I loved every minute of it, I had zero clue of the awesome responsibility that was entrusted to me - the lives of ten kids. Maybe it was a good thing that we didn't dwell on it too much, but I am glad that nothing horrible ever happened on my watch. Teachers, parents, coaches, role models... all have an ethical obligation to wield their power responsibly. I am probably preaching to the converted, but it was a big realization for me. I suppose it is not until you have seen or lived the effects of irresponsible action (yours and/or others) that you understand the importance of responsible action.
What do you think of when you consider the word "power"? A lot of different things pop into my mind. Typically, my first thought is political power, Bill Clinton for example. However, I am not really thinking about Bill - he's too abstract. Rather, I have been thinking about power in our daily lives.
For me, power at a local level is about having the ability to influence others to take a course of action. I see power as influence. The more influence one has, the more power. I like this definition as it fits nicely with my view that the most powerful person in a situation is not always the person in charge. It also implies that we share the responsibility in any situation.
Why this fascination with power? Well, I have been thinking back to situations where I might have acted a little better. In all these situations, it was a misuse of my influence that led to a feeling that things could have worked out better. Likewise, when I have felt particularly aggrieved - the sting comes from another's misuse of influence. Of course, one needs to recognize that you have influence in the first place. Many times, I had zero idea of the impact of my actions. I guess we are all learning about ourselves as we move through life.
I have been trying to get a concept across to a friend. The concept is that just because you can do something, does not mean you should. Indeed, I believe that, in a moral sense, the more power one is given, the more responsibility is required over that power. At any one time, we all have varying degrees of physical, mental and spiritual power. To have influence is a huge gift. The fairness or source of this gift is immaterial. The gift exists and one has the ability to use it.
I have been doing some reading about a few different philosophies on power. Not sure if it was a conscious or unconscious decision, but over the last little while, I have greatly restricted my explicit use of power. This is a little tough to explain, but I guess it is akin to letting things arrive rather than going out and getting them. You kind of kick back a little and see how things are going to play out. When something interesting arrives, you go for it. However, you spend a lot of time holding back - harbouring your resources, perhaps.
Well, an interesting thing happened. I realised that much of the stress in my life was coming from an inappropriate use of power. In some cases, I was trying to exert influence in a situation where none had been given to me (or earned). This situation was most prevalent at my office. I was trying to carve my view of the world. After a few years of trying (quite unsuccessfully), I "gave up" and just accepted everything. Within six months, my influence had skyrocketed. By not trying to influence my views, my colleagues started asking my views and I ended up with far greater influence. Gaining power over a situation by taking little action. If I had known that all I needed to do was accept the situation, I would have done it a lot earlier. Not sure if this applies everywhere but it is something I debate before taking action.
As you can imagine, being a guy with a strong Type-A personality, a similar thread has run through a number of my relationships. I've only once had a relationship with a lady with a strong Type-A personality. It didn't turn out quite as planned, but I learned a lot.
I think that any person who has a strong dose of what are typically deemed to be "male" characteristics will have a strong predilection towards seeking control of any situation they enter. Where some cultures fall down is that they see sexual "control" as the ultimate form of domination. There is a strong favourable bias in the male community (the ladies will have to speak for themselves) towards an individual who is able to dominate people in a sexual, yet socially acceptable, manner. I think this favourable bias is misplaced. To me it represents one of the most irresponsible uses of power, and is also the source of some serious grief for everyone - despite how it feels.
Now for every guy there is usually 
a lady, so there must be at least a few people on the other side of the fence prone to a similar type of behaviour. My guess is that we don't hear a lot about it due to cultural restraints.
So what to do? I don't know. This whole topic has me a little confused.
On one hand, I have had great results from inaction, but it probably only appears that I am taking it easy. You see, I am prone to immediate, decisive action. On the other hand, this holding back has me worried that I might miss out (the Hongkonger in me!).
In the end, I don't suppose there needs to be a right way or a wrong way. The key lesson I take away is that one needs to be conscious of the people over whom one has influence. In these situations, I am trying to be a little more careful these days. I guess that's my point.
Where does happiness enter the equation? Well, I have found that, while I may be "missing out" on a few things, my stress level has fallen and my inner satisfaction has risen. Life becomes simpler and more fulfilling. The dramas that stem from various "power conflicts" diminish, and I am left with plenty of time to relax and do things that build (rather than require) influence. By limiting what you take from others, people seem to feel comfortable giving you more than you would have asked for in the first place.
Merry Christmas,
gordo - 21 December 2000